


PUNishment

by hTeDruknenPotaT



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Asexuality, Bondage, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Femdom, First Time, Fluff, Human AU, Kissing, Light BDSM, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Smut, Soriel, Sub Sans, feeling bonely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-08 19:43:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8858311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hTeDruknenPotaT/pseuds/hTeDruknenPotaT
Summary: Sans just can't shut up with the bad jokes during sex, so Toriel has to PUNish him.





	1. Trying it on for size

**Author's Note:**

> I've been talking about this fic idea for a while now, so I'm gonna try actually writing it! It's gonna have a lot of short chapters hopefully. Not much smut happens in this one, it's mostly discussion, but more smut will come in future chapters. As well as more tags.  
> This takes place in the Feeling Bonely universe which is a human AU where Sans has a real fleshrod made of flesh and not a glowing blue ghost dildo, bc that's not my thing.

On their wedding night, they cuddled.

Alphys had bragged to Sans about all the wild things she’d done on her own wedding night, and Sans brought them up to Toriel while he was half asleep and barely dressed.  Toriel barely had the energy to put on a nightgown, and Sans didn’t even feel like putting anything on over his boxers.  Any other night, Toriel would have brought him his pajamas, but she decided to compensate tonight by keeping him extra warm.  She held him against her body and half listened to his tired rants about Alphys’s sexcapades.

“Those two have too much energy,” she’d sighed.

“Alph?  Nah, well, I guess when it comes to sex... she’s got a limitless supply.”

“Sans, I am so exhausted... I could not fuck you if I wanted to.”

“Are you sayin’ you don’t wanna fuck me.”

“It is too late to be having this talk,” Toriel insisted.  “To help you sleep, though...  What I mean is that I am... _sex_ uasted.”

Sans chuckled.  “Guess I could say the same... I’m _bone tired.”_

“Of course you are,” Toriel giggled sleepily.  She was too old for this much excitement.  Less than two decades back, things were... different.  Yes, she’d had quite a different wedding night than this one.  She certainly had not gone to sleep as soon as the festivities were over and she and her new husband were alone...

Her younger self would have scoffed at the idea of finding _this_ preferable.  But she was middle aged, and the idea of so much physical activity after such a taxing day made her even more sexausted.  Honestly, it was nice to just lie and enjoy each other’s company.

Sans made a soft snuffling noise.  He made more noise while he was _trying_ to fall asleep than when he was fully sleeping.  He sometimes snored— but when he was out, he’d merely sigh loudly or mumble strange, incomprehensible phrases.  Toriel felt a little sorry that she was too tired to even stroke his head.

So many people had shown up.  More than she was prepared for.  But Sans had so many friends.  And such a large extended family.  Most were people that, at that point, she had considered family as well.  Undyne finally got to wear that mermaid dress.  Alphys wore a tuxedo that time.  She looked quite dapper in it.  Mettaton looked dazzling, more dazzling than the bride, Toriel had thought, in a dress to rival Cinderella’s.

She didn’t see Sans looking at him once, though.  He could hardly tear his eyes away from her.

That was just one of the many things she liked about him— the way he looked at her made her feel so special.  She’d never seen him look at anyone quite the same way.  She was sure she must have an equally sappy grin most of the time around him, she couldn’t help herself.

When the muscles of her face started to grow sore, Toriel realized she was smiling sappily now, with her new husband in her arms.  She squeezed him a little tighter.

Sans sighed a little snuffling sound, and Toriel knew he was asleep.

⚯ ⚯ ⚯

With the way Sans looked at her, Toriel hardly ever doubted he was attracted to her, even though whenever the subject of sex came up, Sans never treated it as anything more than a joke.

Surprisingly, he always seemed to be the first one to bring it up.  That was because, as Sans noticed, Toriel was too sensitive for her own good.  He only kept talking about it because Alphys kept bringing it up— and not nearly as discreetly as he would.

“Did you two fuck yet,” she’d ask, bluntly after she got sick of acting all smug about it.

“Nope,” Sans would tell her with a wink.  He used to answer vaguely, but he found that _not_ having sex with Toriel when he _could_ be pissed Alphys off more.

“Sansy, that’s like having a big cake in front of you and doing nothing but staring at it.”

“Maybe it’s a nice cake to look at.”

“C-Cake’s a food!  All food goes stale!”

“Yeah well, Tori’n me are already crusty.  We’re old people.  Don’t wanna imagine two old people goin’ at it, do you?”

“Did you know— women are horniest when they hit forty.”  Alphys had nodded sagely.   _“Forty,_ Sans.  Isn’t Toriel about forty?”

Sans tried to imagine what Alphys could possibly be like at forty if she was like this now.  Then he stopped trying to imagine it.  Instead, it made him think the whole rest of the day— too deeply.  The kind of thinking that started to trouble him and make him doubt himself.  Overthinking was always something he’d had a problem with, and it was just too easy to overthink about sex when it was so _important_ in most relationships.

But Toriel had never seemed to act the way Alphys did or say lewd things except as a joke.  And Toriel, he knew, was no asexual.  That he’d heard from Alphys too— from firsthand experience living in the Dreemurr mansion’s basement.  She’d heard them going at it.  Which she loved to remind Sans.  Which did wonders for his self-esteem.

He didn’t know how to bring it up without making it into a big joke.  He’d tried going at it that way, asking Toriel “Do you like goats because you relate to them?”

“Mm?”

“‘Cause you’re... _horny?”_  Sans winked.

“And do you like skeletons because of your _boner?”_  Toriel winked back.

And Sans decided to drop it.  Till they were alone in the bedroom, and Toriel was getting undressed, and Sans stared intently at the skirt sliding down her thighs.  It wasn’t that he didn’t love her thighs.  It wasn’t that he didn’t love all her curves and all her weight and soft skin, but they just happened to give him... not the reaction they were supposed to, apparently.

His dick stayed limp as a sea cucumber, to put it bluntly.  Only time he got stiff was in the mornings, and that had nothing to do with Toriel’s thighs.  Sometimes he’d wake up with his wood _against_ her thighs and damn, that was pretty exciting.  But it never went further than that.  Toriel would merely giggle and make some joke about it: “The sun isn’t the only thing that rises in the morning,” and that was pretty cute.

But nothing else happened.

Not that he was complaining.  But he wondered if he should be.  He wondered what he was missing out on.  If maybe having his rising sun between Toriel’s thighs would awaken some latent alosexuality and he’d be normal, just like Alphys.

Yeah, just like Alph.

It looked like Toriel was slowing down for him.  Bending over further than usual, letting the skirt slide down slowly, revealing her thighs inch by inch for him.  This was because he’d been thinking so much about sex, Sans thought.  And then Toriel said, “Damn it this skirt is a tight one!”

Yep.

“That’s hot,” Sans said.

“Oooh, you like that?”  Tori wiggled her butt.  “I appreciate that you enjoy my suffering.”

“Yeah well, think I’ve been _skirting_ around the issue a little too long.”  Sans paused to let himself chuckle.

Toriel finally won the battle with her skirt and kicked it away.  “What issue?” she asked, concern in her eyes.

“Fuck,” Sans said.  “And I mean that.  Fuck.”

“I... beg your pardon?”

“We don’t fuck, Toriel.”

Toriel’s eyebrows drew together.  “Is that a problem?”

“That’s what I wanna know!” Sans burst.  “Is it?!”

Toriel approached him, wearing nothing on her legs but her snail-patterned stockings.  “Oh dear, this again...”

“What d’you mean again, we never have a serious talk about sex.”

“Well, I have tried...”  Toriel sat down.  “I have told you before, it does not bother me if you do not want it.  And if you ever change your mind, I will gladly help you explore, for all we know, after all, you may enjoy it.  I have done my research—”

“Tori,” Sans cut it.  “I don’t... care about me.”

“Sans...  Sans, I care about you.”  She took his face in her hands.  “I fell in love with you before I met you.  You do not have to worry about pleasing me, I am plenty—”

“But that’s what I’m saying— I care about _you,_ okay?  Not that I’m... fuck, how do I say this.”  Sans looked away, trying to remember how to speak English.  “It’s not that I’m so desperately insecure about myself that I’m beating myself up about not getting hard over the sight of your naked thighs.  I’m just... curious, I guess.”

He paused.  Toriel spoke up softly.  “About what?”

“About... _your_ sexuality, you catch me?”  Sans laughed awkwardly.  “Y’know, we talk about _me_ all the time and I’m gettin’ kinda sick of it.  Always, what _I_ want, it’s all about _my_ sex drive.  I never get to ask _you_ about what it’s like to be a sexual being.”

Toriel smiled.  “Well, all you _had_ to do was ask.”

“Alright, what’s it like.”

Sans waited expectantly.  “I do not know what you expect to hear,” said Toriel.  “It is not like, my every waking moment is spent in utter desire.  Most of the time, I feel the way you do, probably.  But there are some days, like, well, that _special_ time of the month...”  Toriel frowned, taking her hand off Sans’s cheek, folding her hands in front of her.  “What is it that you would like to know.”

“Man, I dunno how to ask without feelin’ stupid.”

“What is feeling aroused like?”

“Nah, I just...”  Sans smiled stupidly and closed his eyes.  Maybe if he couldn’t see Toriel she wouldn’t be able to see him either.  “Okay, do you mind if I... bring up your past.”

“It depends.”

“You’ve had sex before.  You’ve had that experience where you’ve looked at a person and thought, yeah, I’d tap that.  And then you tapped it.”

“Hmm.  Yes, I will admit to having those feelings.”

Sans opened his eyes.  He’d spit it out, he’d been able to say things before, things that seemed impossible.  Admitting he was wrong to Undyne; telling Papyrus he was going to die from chronic depression; saying _“I love you”_ to his own kid.  “Do you still get feelings like that?”

“Mm?”

“Okay, fuckit.  Does anything about me give you the urge to flick the bean?  Y’know...”  He was getting ahead of himself.  He saw Toriel blush.

“What a... personal question.”

“You said all I had to do was ask.”

Toriel laughed without smiling.  She wrinkled her hands nervously.  “Erm.  Well, you could have just asked—”

“You’re right, I coulda just asked if you find me sexy.”  That would have been a much more straightforward way to do it.  Damn.

“Really, you could have just said that.”  Toriel unwrung her hands.  She put one back on his cheek.  “Of course I do.”

“Oh.  Man.  Welp, in all seriousness, do I like, make you wanna twiddle the vagiddle.”

Toriel snorted.  “Wow, you sure are blunt today.  Sans, dear, you don’t have to worry that I don’t find you sexy.”

“But how.”  Sans knew how his friends felt about him, mainly because they’d all told him.  But still, he didn’t get it.  He closed his eyes again.  “Do you actually _wanna_ fuck me?”

“Sans, I...  I have said it a million times before, I would not do anything you were uncomfortable with.”

“But let’s say I wasn’t.  Tori...”  He opened his eyes.  “I wanna know.  I’m curious, and also, it’s cute.  I wanna know all the stuff _you_ want.”

“Well.”  Toriel smiled.  “If we had no limits, I cannot pretend I have not had the occasional fantasy here and there...  Well, rather a lot lately.”

“Go on.”

“Hee...  Do you really wish to know?”

“You bet.  Talk dirty to me.”

“Well then.  I have dreamed for the longest time of holding you in my arms, so tight...”  She snatched him up suddenly, rolling onto the bed with Sans beneath her.  “Feeling your hardening cock underneath me and...”  She moved her hand, snaking it up his leg.  Sans felt his breath catch, but she stopped near his inner thigh and took her hand away.  “Teasing you, touching you and letting you joke about your rising sun and my flowering moon, or whatever you please...”

“Oh man, no way—” Sans laughed.

“Oh you _would_ be, because you would be desperately rattling off all the jokes you could think of.  And every time you came close I would pull away and start kissing you...”  She kissed his mouth before he could respond.  “And I would keep going until you were reduced to begging and I would keep teasing until you had tears running down your face.  And then you would look so cute crying and begging that I would have no choice but to give in.  Then...”  She paused.  “I would ATTACK!”  She moved suddenly and kissed his neck.  Sans’s breath left his lungs.  “I would _ravish_ you—”  She nipped at his shoulders.  Sans laughed and gripped the back of her shirt.  “I would eat you up!  I would make you raise that voice of yours until you were yelling my name!”

“Ohhh man—”  Sans squirmed underneath her, trying to remember how to breathe.  “Tori— Hhh—”

Toriel pushed herself up, letting Sans recover.  He took a few gulps of air, and she smiled.  “So, what do you think?  Do you like that?”

“Hey, don’t stop.”

“Do you...”  She looked down toward her main indicator.  It was in Sans’s pants.  But Sans rolled over before she could see it.  “Right now?”

“I think I’m feelin’ something, I don’t know...  Wow, shit Tori, I think I’m actually turned on.”

“Let’s see!”

“Yeah that’s real classy, sure I’ll just pull up my boner and we can study to what degree and level I’m turned the fuck on.”  Sans sat up.  Tori must have been an oven, that’s the only thing that could make his face this hot.  “Cmon, sometimes you gotta just say fuckit and fuck it.”

“Erm...”  Toriel slid a couple inches to the side.  “I... I’m not sure.”

“You sounded like you were ‘bout to go pretty hard.  Why the heck not.”

“I am not ready,” Toriel said hastily.  “Frisk is in the other room—”

“They’re upstairs.”

“They always sneak out of bed for a late night snack.  I heard them shambling around in the kitchen earlier.”

“Pff, yeah, their mind is dirty enough as it is.  I don’t doubt they listen at our door every night.”

“Oh _dear...._  Well, I also think we should talk more first.”

“But we talk all the time.  Tori, this is like a first time thing, I dunno when else I’ll actually be uhh, turned on.”  Was that the correct terminology?  Was that what he was feeling?

“Hm.  You tempt me, but honestly, Sans, I don’t want it to be tonight.  I would never think to question you if you were not ready—”

“Yeah, okay, you’re right.  Sorry.”

Toriel shook her head.  “No, please do not be.  This is actually good news!  I think your latent libido rearing its _head_ so to speak could signify that you are doing much better!”

“You sure about that?” Sans asked.  “I know that medication shot Alphys’s libido pretty bad.  Depression itself never did anything to calm it down.”

“Well, _you...”_  Toriel tapped his nose.  “...are not Alphys, and personally, I do not know about you, but when I get struck by depression, I find that I am not in the mood to do... much of anything.”

“But... you’re not on an SSRI.”

“True...” Toriel sighed.  “Well, either way, I am taking this as good news.”

Toriel flopped one enormous arm over Sans and pulled him back in.  She kissed his head and said, “Soon, dear, if you are still feeling up to it.  Just not tonight.”

“Yeah... okay.”

Not tonight.  The nights following didn’t wind up working either, because they had been planning for the wedding, and poor Toriel was going mad with anticipation and flashbacks to what she called her “old life.”  Despite that, they’d both agreed to send Asgore an invitation.  They hadn’t been sure whether it’d be crueler to invite him or not invite him, but Frisk insisted.  He declined very politely, answering as soon as he got the invite saying he’d be sick that day.

Exactly two days before the wedding, Sans whispered to Toriel, “Wanna try this on before you buy it?”

Toriel giggled, and promised if he could stay quiet enough she’d be glad to play with him a bit.  Try him on for size.

His size was admittedly not impressive.  But that was what Toriel liked about him, she whispered, that every part of him was fun-sized.  She promised she’d tease him, so she teased his fun-sized length, tapping it and calling it cute.

“Is this how sex works?” Sans asked, sitting with his legs splayed apart, watching Toriel kneel beside him and play with his dick like it was a cute little kitten.  “Doesn’t tab A insert into slot B—”

Toriel’s hand ran along the base of his cock— Sans forgot his sentence.  “Hhh... this feels weird...”

“How is this.”  Toriel’s hand moved faster, up and down from the base to tip.  “Ahh— Wh-Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants?!” he burst.

Toriel looked up, pausing her work.  “Mm?”

“Because its pecker is on its head!!”

Toriel giggled.  She looked up and saw that Sans was panting a little.  “Are you alright?”

“Uhh—”  Sans wildly wracked his brain for any dick puns he knew to express he was.  “D— um...  I’m....”

“We can stop if—”

“Fuckdammit Tori, just because I’m ace doesn’t mean I’m so pathetic I can’t handle a handjob.”  He paused.  “Geddit?   _Hand_ le—”

“I don’t think you’re pathetic,” said Toriel kindly, her eyebrows rising with concern.

“Good, d’you maybe wanna—  I mean, heh, _come_ on, already.”  Sans’s grin twitched.  “I liked what you were doing before.”

“Then in that case...”  Toriel’s lips curled into a smirk and she wrapped her hand back around his length.  She stroked vigorously, her eyes darting back and forth between her new plaything and her fiance’s face.  Sans’s eyes rolled as he clutched the bedsheets.

“Uh—”  He felt the inhuman urge to moan out something that wasn’t a stupid pun.  “Ah— holy fuck here comes the—”

As the sun had risen, it splurted out its load into Toriel’s hand.  “Aaaaand we have achieved liftoff!” Toriel exclaimed.

“Yayyyy...” Sans panted, falling back into the cushions.  “Hhh... that sure was better than the time I tried jacking off as a teenager....”

“Oh?”  Toriel dropped down beside him, propping herself up on an elbow.

“Probably not... the most appropriate thing to talk about after getting my first handjob from... someone I actually like?”  Sans chuckled, feeling stupid.  His mind was racing.

“And when do we ever talk about anything at the appropriate moment?”

Sans closed his eyes.  He recalled being fourteen and discovering for the first time that orgasms apparently worked as a sedative.  He wanted an easier way to get to sleep, so he’d decided to try it.  Jacking off seemed like the greatest natural sleep aid.

But the only times he got hard were in the mornings, but it seemed hardly the time to jack himself to sleep when he was supposed to be waking up and Papyrus was in the bed a few feet from him.  He did have _some_ shame.

“It’s stupid...”

Toriel brought her fingers to her lips.  Sans watched her lick them.  “Heh, how does that... taste?”

“Would you like to try?”

Without waiting for an answer, Toriel kissed him.  Sans’s mind went blank.  When Toriel pulled away, he realized he forgot to taste his own splooge.  “Tori...” he whispered, “how can I learn how to do to you what you do to me?”

“Hee hee, what does that mean?”

Sans just smiled, unable to find the words.  Toriel kissed him again.  This orgasm business really did have something to it, at first, Sans found himself too sleepy to do anything but let himself be kissed.

“Tori... can I... return the favor?  You up to teaching me how to make your flowering moon bloom...”

“Here.”  Toriel immediately took his hand, but she went no lower than her breasts.

Sans squeezed.  He’d played with her breasts before— he knew what made her gasp and sigh, both from experience, a whole lot of googling, and Alphys.   _At least feel up her tits if you don’t do anything else with her,_ she’d said, and Sans decided _yknow what, I will._  And he did.  And as he moved his hand to fondle the sensitive underside of her breasts, Toriel let out the prettiest sound Sans had ever heard.

Sans shifted over.  With her eyes, Toriel invited him onto her lap.  He sat between her legs and gazed deep into her eyes.  He waggled his eyebrows.  She laughed.  Sans snorted and buried his face into Toriel’s neck.  He took a small bite.

He’d read online that if she wasn’t properly aroused, it’d hurt going in.  So he’d wait until she couldn’t take it anymore.  He nipped at her breasts to elicit more of those pretty moans out of her.  He felt a stirring in his groin and—

It was back.  Just in time.  Toriel felt it, Sans saw it in her face.  “Sans,” she whispered.  “Where... where did I put the condoms.”

“I dunno, don’t think you ever told me.”

“Hmm.”  Toriel pushed Sans gently.  He rolled off her.  “Just let me check.”  She leaned over and opened the drawer of their bedside table.  She rummaged around in it.  “Not here...”

“You probably hid them from Frisk.”

“I probably did.”  Toriel stood up and dug through the drawer.  “I really must clean this.  Mm.  Shit, I cannot find them.”

“Maybe in the bathroom...?”

“Yes.  Do hold on a minute.”

Sans waited on the bed, feeling his dick softening.  Toriel disappeared into the bathroom and cursed as she moved more things around.  “Yeah... we’re definitely not doing this without at least three different methods of birth control,” Sans said.

“Damn it, I am sure we had some—”

“Since when.”

“Did you not buy them?”

“Did I?  No, wait, shit, that was Alphys’s christmas gift.”

“And did you throw it away?”

“Yeah.”

Toriel returned to the bed, sitting primly on the edge of it.  “Oh well...  Sans, while we are on the subject, what would you like for dinner tomorrow?”

“Huh.”

“I mean, we have a big day after that so—”

“How’s that on the subject.”

“Food is always on the subject.”

“You still feel like doin’ it?”

“Do you?”

That response didn’t sound too encouraging, and Sans, with his limpening dick, decided tonight just wasn’t the night for full-on intercourse.  His adrenaline was already dying down, and Toriel seemed more excited by dinner plans than finding a way to make this work without a condom.

The next night, Toriel was in too much of a panic to even think about last night’s sexcapades, and then, on their wedding night, they were both too tired.  So they forgot about the issue and cuddled, just enjoying each other’s company.

 


	2. Lemons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans is self-conscious about being awkward in bed, and gets advice from all his friends on how to fuck girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE THE BDSM SHIT IS COMING SOON i just had to get this out of the way  
> So far this fic's probably rated M instead of E, but hopefully the next chapter will have the E shit. This fic follows the FB storyline, so Undyne and Alphys have a daughter now, her name is Sharknado.

Sans wanted to shout it to the whole world, he sufficed by softly singing “I just had seeeex~” to himself the entire next day.  Papyrus caught him at it, cleared his throat, and asked quietly, “So, um.  How.  Was it.”

“Oohhhh man.”  Sans dropped onto his couch.  “We were so close, bro.  So close.  Never had Tori all over me like that... never been _inside_ her... it was nice.”

“And?  The fated orgasm?”

Papyrus had the look and tone of someone asking about the other’s day without really caring about the answer.  “Also nice,” said Sans, smiling at the memory.  “Wouldn’t say it was the best part though...  Never been that close to Tori before.  It was kinda overwhelming.”

“Uh huh.”

Sans chuckled.  Papyrus nodded.  “Sorta feels like taking a piss after you’ve been holding it in the whole day?  It’s different with someone else ‘cause you’re, I guess, distracted.  Tryna put on a show of bein’ pleased, I hope Tori knew I uhh, enjoyed it.”

“And that is achieved with disturbing noises and those... hentai faces.”  Papyrus made a disgusted look, then corrected himself.  “I’m very happy for you, brother!”

“Thanks.  It was good.  Gonna do it again.  You know what the best part is?”

“Not the fated orgasm?” asked Papyrus.

“Finally get to use all those boner jokes I’ve been holding back on all my life.”

“And I am sure Toriel appreciates that.”

“Yeah she does.  Always laughs.  Think it gets her kinda worried, I mean, when your mind’s going a million miles a minute and you can’t remember your own name it gets harder to find the appropriate dick jokes.  Sometimes all I can come up with are completely unrelated knock knock jokes.”

“I can’t help you there,” said Papyrus.  His eyes narrowed.  “I am... glad you enjoyed yourself?  Did Toriel enjoy herself?”

Sans’s smile fell.  “I... think so?  I hope so.”

He’d thought so.  He wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing.  Toriel had placed him on her lap and tried to guide him.  She’d gently instructed him, and honestly, it was kind of hot.  He wasn’t sure what constituted as “hot” exactly, but it felt nice to have a guiding hand and voice telling him what to do.

Even when he was on her lap, she’d done most of the work.  He’d let her, and he just wanted her to keep going.  He’d wanted to hear her.  But it was hard to touch her when she was touching him all over and making his mind go blank.  His touching turned into desperate pawing and he’d found himself making the most obscene noises when he slid inside.  Then, he’d burst out:

“Haha, my— my dick’s so small the police filed it a missing person!”

Then he came.

She’d giggled and snorted instead of moaning, and to be fair, her laughs were harsher than usual.  But he’d felt so stupid Toriel spent five minutes hugging and consoling him and telling him he did great.   _It’s like you’re dating your mom,_ Alphys would say.  “Why is it that Alphys always crops up in all our bedroom talk?” Toriel had asked.

“Because she’s a dick,” Sans said, laughing.  That one took Toriel a second.

⚯ ⚯ ⚯

Toriel didn’t know much about Alphys.  They were friends, but she got only a vague sense of how Alphys could be well meaning, but insensitive.  At least, she could be like that with Sans.  If Toriel or anyone else brought up a flaw of hers, Alphys would cover her face, shout “Oh my god you’re right, I’m s-sorry I’m such a jerk!” and often run from the room.  But with Sans and Mettaton, she could be... meaner.

Sans told Toriel not to give her a hard time about it.  He said he understood.  She still had her grudges with him, and for good reason, he made sure to specify.  It was enough that Alphys was even willing to be his friend again.

Toriel wondered if she was the reason for all of Sans’s insecurities.  Her name always seemed to crop up whenever Sans had his doubts.  So she asked him.  And he laughed.

“Tori,” he wheezed, “you... honestly think I want this because _Alph_ keeps talking about it?  Sheesh, have some respect for me.”

“I think she _could_ stand to be more sensitive,” Toriel scoffed.

“Nah, that’s just her.  She gets, really excited about sex.  Pretty sure she’s just teasing.”

“I don’t know if I like it.  She should really mind her own business.”

“That’s not our style.”  Sans shook his head.  “We’ve never skirted around personal details of our lives.”

“But this is _my_ life, and what we do in the bedroom is as much my decision as yours.”

“You sure about that?” asked Sans.  “It always seems to be about what mood _I’m_ in.”

“No, I wouldn’t say that.”  Toriel looked away.  Sans saw her face start to flush.  “I have... tried to explain this before, possibly I did not do a very good job of it.  I actually do find consent and willingness sexy.”

“Wow, I’ve never heard of consent as a kink before.”

“Well, it must be, because seeing you excited makes _me_ excited.  So if we play around according to your moods, it _is_ in fact as much my decision as yours.  I _like_ seeing you excited.”

She smiled.  Sans smiled.  He liked that.  Tori sure was great.  “You know what makes me horny?” he asked.

Toriel smirked.  “The goat calendars?”

“Nope, it’s Frisk being out of the house.  And Uncle Mettaton and Ankle Blook wanna have them over for karaoke night next Friday.  What do you say.”

“Schedules turn you on, do they?”  Toriel stroked his face teasingly.

“Yeah, my dick’s like a clock.  Points to whatever time’s most convenient.”

Sex was never something they had spontaneously.  It had to be carefully planned, preferably during a time when Frisk wasn’t home.  Preferably on the weekends.  Preferably on a night when they didn’t have anything to do the next day.  Because they tired out easily.  They were old, at least Sans had the physique of an eighty year old, he claimed.  Too much activity tired him out and left him sore the next day.

Toriel took good care of him.  Rubbing the soreness out of his legs and promising to be gentler next time.  As if that were possible.  She handled Sans like a piece of glass, gentler, even, then how Papyrus would handle him when he needed handling.  Papyrus was still Sans’s primary caretaker since Toriel had a kid to look after.  Not that he and Toriel didn’t fight over that role.

It was nice, having people constantly looking out for him, but Sans wanted to learn how to properly take care of his wife.  To put it bluntly, he wanted to see her finish first.

He had one friend who would know.  His Grillby’s buds wouldn’t be any help (Sans doubted any of them had ever made a woman cum once in their lives), but his one knowledgeable friend was... hard to approach.  He wasn’t in the moon to see Alphys’s triumphant smirk when he’d come groveling at her for help.

Then, he remembered he had more than one friend who knew how to please a woman.  Unfortunately, she was always either surrounded by people, or with Alphys.  The only time he saw her sans Alphys and sans little snotheads was in the teacher’s lounge.  He’d see her having coffee with Toriel and chatting like old ladies about the kids, or hanging out with the other teachers.  They didn’t hang out enough these days.  She and Papyrus trained less now that they were both busy.  They called him “Uncle Papyrus” over there, but really, he was like a third parent.

And he was getting ahead of himself thinking about baby Sharknado.  Tiny, babbling and screaming little baby Sharky with her sharp teeth and small grabby hands and infant war cry...

He whipped out his phone.  Thank fuck there was always an easy method of private communication.

 

_*so i need some help_

_*I’m???????? Right here????????_

_*i cant really talk to pap about this bc im pretty sure hes sex repulsed and wont be much help anyway_  
_*and alphys_  
 _*oh man i am so sick of alphys_  
 _*shes probably gonna tell me to fucking put on a sailor moon costume or something_

_*IF THIS IS ABOUT WHAT YOU DO IN THE BEDROOM WITH TORIEL I DON’T CARE  
*I DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT_

_*thanks undies i love you_

 

Sans saw Undies scowl at her phone.  He put away his.  Oh well, at least he tried.  And wound up pouring his heart out to Papyrus later.  “She’s just... so experienced, y’know?  And even with all the intense googling I did I could still barely recognize the clitoris.  I can’t ask Alphys because even if she tries not to she can’t help comparing me to Asgore...”

“Mm hm.  Alphys told me about something once, that people can find helplessness... cute?  Maybe Toriel... likes that you’re not experienced?”

“Probably.  I think you’re right, I’m, heh, a perfectly ripe virgin ‘cept that I may not even be one—  Y’know I’ve woken up next to all my friends with no memory of what happened last night more times than I can count, I’m pretty sure I must have had at least one dick in my ass in my lifetime.”

“That’s... really gross,” said Papyrus.  He shuddered.  “Well, I wish I knew how to tell you to go forward but... I think I know someone who _can_ help you!”

“Google?  I tried her—”

“No Sans, who better to teach you how to please a woman than a bona fide lesbian?”  He grinned.  Then called, “UNDYNE ARE YOU ALMOST DONE IN THERE?  SANS NEEDS YOUR HELP!”  The reply was muffled behind the bathroom door.  “Yes Sans, Undyne came over to play,” he continued in a quieter voice.  “Alphys insisted on giving her a break this afternoon.  As for why she’s been in the bathroom so long—”

“I don’t uhh, really need to know.”

“She says her body has been—”

“I live with Toriel, I know about all the wonders and joys of childbirth.”

“So we’re getting it back up to its former strength!  She had a long time to recuperate and now—”

The door to the bathroom burst open.  “WHAT’S THE PROBLEM, FUCKOS!” Undyne yelled.  She leapt over the banister, ignoring Papyrus’s call of “UNDYNE, NO!”  She stuck the landing as well as ever.  Sans thought she looked fine.

“I don’t think Undies is gonna help me,” Sans said.  “She kinda brushed me off earlier.”

“What,” said Undyne.  “Was that about you dressing up as Sailor Moon in the bedroom—”

“Sans needs to know how to please his woman!” Papyrus announced.  “He is largely inexperienced and needs a helpful guide, and I thought, who in the world could possibly be a better guide than my very best friend and life coach Mrs. Undyne Peixes-Serket?”

Undyne grinned awkwardly.  She rounded on Sans.  “So, you wanna know how to please a woman.  You shoulda said so earlier!”

“I thought that was what I was heavily implying.”

 _“That_ is something I can help you with!!”  Sans recoiled.  “Alright you smiley punk, let’s get started.  Lesson number one.  The clitoris is at the top.”

“I know where the clit is—”

“I think I will... leave you two alone,” said Papyrus.  He walked backwards until he was at the window.  Then he rolled gracefully out of it.

“ALRIGHT!  You may _know_ where the clit is, but do you know what to _do_ with it!”

“Press it?  What’s it, like a button or something?”

“HELL NO!  You got any fruit?”

“The fuck’s fruit gotta do with the clitoris.”

“Any fruit is a perfect map of the vulva!  I’ll be right back.  You stay here.  Don’t you dare chicken out, or you’re not worthy to _look_ at a vulva again.”   _Well fuck you,_ Sans thought as Undyne bounced into the kitchen.  He heard crashing and banging and she searched through his fridge.  She came back with a strawberry, a lemon and a knife.

“AWRIGHT, THIS STRAWBERRY’S THE PERFECT DIAGRAM!  A grapefruit would be better but what can ya do!”  She sliced it in half.  “Alright fucker, see this?”  She shoved the half strawberry in front of Sans’s face.  She popped the other half threateningly in her mouth.   _“Right here._  This little spot’s the clitoris.  We’ve got the labia majora and minora, start there.   _Don’t_ immediately go for the clit.”

Undyne stroked the strawberry sensuously.  “And _fuck_ being gentle.”  She stroked it vigorously.  Juice oozed from it.  “See this cute little strawberry’s got the _perfect_ little opening!  Pretend my finger’s _your_ finger!  Watch me!”

“Uhh, oral’s a good way to go, right?” asked Sans, awkwardly watching the strawberry getting wrecked.

“Yeah!  I’ll show you that next!”

“Oh joy...”

“I better, cause this strawberry’s been deflowered!”

“Okay when they say ‘eat the pussy,’” Sans asked, watching Undyne pop the other strawberry half into her mouth, “they don’t really mean _‘eat_ the pussy,’ right?”

“NO!” Undyne shouted.  “IT’S COMPLETELY LITERAL!  YOU GOTTA _EAT_ THE PUSSY!”  Undyne demonstrated on the lemon.  She sliced it in half and devoured it.  Lemon juice and disgusting slurping noises flew from her mouth.

Sans slid away.  He slid off the couch.  He slid from the room while Undyne devoured the rind.  He heard a distant belch.

⚯ ⚯ ⚯

 _Undyne wants to know why you haven’t asked Alphys yet,_ Papyrus had said.  Like he didn’t know.  Like _she_ didn’t know.  Toriel didn’t seem to notice his struggle.  He just told her he wasn’t feeling up to playing patty cake and Tori said she understood, no questions asked.  He wished she _would_ ask, he didn’t want to show her just how inexperienced and lost he felt.

He didn’t think Toriel would like having her pussy chewed up.  Maybe that was why Alphys decided to never birth kids— her pussy was too wrecked.  Then again.  He didn’t have Undyne’s teeth.  He shuddered.

What Sans needed was advice from someone who knew him.  Who knew what his charms and limits were.  And it seemed Papyrus and Undyne were out of the question.  So he waited until he and Alphys landed on the subject of sex (which seemed unavoidable with her) and asked, “So hypothetically speaking, how would you go about pleasuring Toriel.  Who’s not Undyne and probably wouldn’t appreciate being literally eaten out.”

“Why do you wanna know?” asked Alphys, waggling her eyebrows.

“In case...”  Fuck, the heat was creeping up his face.  “Hypothetically, say, I wanna get her a really nice birthday present.”

“Well, you’ve come to the wrong place!” said Alphys with a huge grin on her face.  “I don’t know how to be anything _but_ a disappointment!”

“Really?  Even in the bedroom?  Doesn’t seem like you disappoint Undies.”

“Eheh...  Well, we’ve got s-similar fucked up tastes.”

“Which is why I’m asking you, Alph.  If you had Toriel in bed with you and you could do anything to her, go ahead.  Go crazy.  Go wild.  Tell me exactly what you would do with her.”

Alphys blanked out for an entire ten seconds.  She stuttered for thirty more, her face evidently heating up.  “Okay f-first of all, _fuck._  S-Second of all, I um, p-probably wouldn’t do anything, I’d just let her fuck the shit outa me!”

“But if you were me and feeling like you had to live up to her first husband—”

“In the moment I w-wouldn’t be thinking about that.”

“So izzat how it is with you?  You get in bed and forget you’re a disappointment...?”

“Most of the time,” Alphys said, wringing her hands.  “It’s like... you get in this headspace where...  Whether you’re being fucked or doing the work you like, take on a whole different _persona._  I well, like myself a lot better that way.  When I’m... not thinking, and I can j-just forget myself.”

“So you’re into roleplay?”

“Well yeah but that’s not completely it.”

“Man,” Sans sighed, “I wish I could do that.  Forget myself.  Sounds fun.  But I can’t stop thinking about stupid shit like, what my next pun’s gonna be or...  I dunno, maybe it’s an ADD thing.  Which I don’t... I don’t even know if that’s a thing...”

“So... Sansy...”  Alphys smirked.  Sans’s heart sank.  “You mean to tell me you’ve _actually_ been doing shit with your wife now?”

“If by shit you mean my wife, then, fuckit Alph, I’ve been trying to do her and doing a terrible job at it.  You wanna help a friend out?”

Alphys’s eyes narrowed.  “What exactly... are you asking for?”

Sans’s smile strained.  “Not to give me a demonstration, that’s for sure.  Alph, we talk about stuff, let’s just treat it like we’re talking about the weather or something.  Please, teach me how to fuck Toriel.”

“Wow.  No puns.  At all!  Um, Toriel’s really... different from anyone I’ve been in bed with so, I think...”

“Really?” said Sans.  “You’re not gonna start telling me I’ll never be Fluffybuns or make a jab at my sexuality—”

“Wh-what?  Oh...”  Alphys wrung her hands tighter.  “Oh man I d-didn’t realize you actually took offense to anything I’ve said but—  When have I compared you to Asgore?”

“Not for a while, I think.  Good job, buddy.”  Sans patted her on the shoulder.

“I was... just teasing.”  Alphys looked troubled.  “Oh _god,_ have you been doing stuff you’re uncomfortable with because _I_ made you uncomfortable?!”

“Alphys, you’ve got nothing to do with what Tori and I do in the bedroom.  Calm down.”

“Um... okay...”  Her eyebrows stayed together.  She swallowed.  “I th-think that, Toriel doesn’t seem to be getting tired of you?  She doesn’t act super thirsty or anything, she seems... okay?”

“Thanks.”  Sans sighed.  “Glad I’m doing everything right.”

“Well if nothing else works, I always say you probably need to spice things up a bit.  Th-that’s what any cosmopolitan magazine would say— spice things up in the bedroom!  Find out what kinks Toriel has, maybe... t-try roleplay?  Maybe if you can’t get into a role well, if Toriel can make it convincing enough, you might b-be able to get into it.”

“Like Tori’s gonna put on a wig and pretend to be someone else without laughing.  Heh.  So is this the part where you suggest sailor moon costumes?”

“Only if Toriel’s a secret weeb.  But she’s a, you know a— a motherly person, maybe she’s a mommy domme?  Do you think you might have a mommy kink?”

Alphys smiled like she _was_ asking Sans about the weather.  “Uhh, fuck, I might.  Never had a mom so that might have something to do with it.”   _Good job Sans, you married a hot MILF._  “So should I like, cry and poop my pants and stuff like that?”

“Ummm, maybe don’t start so extreme?”  Alphys giggled.  “Maybe try wearing a diaper, though.”

“I’m good.”

“Try out different positions, y’know, 69, 21—”

“I like the 11,” Sans said.  “Where, you both just, lie straight, back to back.  Facing each other.”

“So don’t have sex then!” Alphys burst.  “You shouldn’t have sex if you don’t want to just because Toriel doesn’t... you know...”

“Sheesh, just because I’m ace doesn’t mean I’m sex repulsed.”

“Can I ask how that works?” asked Alphys hesitantly.

So Sans spent half an hour discussing his libido and how he didn’t necessarily get aroused by Toriel, but with some touching and just the anticipation, his body reacted like anyone’s.  It wasn’t his body or his sexuality that was the problem here.

It was that he didn’t know what to do.

Alphys opened up a cosmopolitan article online and read about all the crazy shit women apparently like being done to them.  “Y’know... most of this shit, I probably couldn’t do without straining a limb.”

“WELL DO YOU WANT TO PLEASE YOUR WIFE OR NOT.”

“I don’t think she’ll be pleased if we wind up on an episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER.”

Alphys giggled.  She closed up her computer and suggested more roleplay ideas.  Sans carefully averted the topic back to the weather.

⚯ ⚯ ⚯

“So, MTT, my man...”  Sans thought about what he wanted to ask him, then thought better of it.  Like hell Mettaton would know anything about fucking women.

“Got a question, gorgeous?”

“It’s nothing.”  It seemed stupid _not_ to ask, after all, Mettaton was in his old house, lounging on the couch, sipping a pina colada that Papyrus had gotten for him.  He was over a lot these days.  Sometimes he came over to play with Alphys’s new daughter and show her his educational videos.  Alphys was surprised he stuck around, but he sure was doing his part.  Sans heard through the grapevine that he was writing the baby a song.

And Papyrus was, in the bathroom.  Doing his thing.  Seemed like they were out of laxatives.  “Okay so, you know Toriel.”

Mettaton perked up.  “Yes.”

He greatly respected Toriel for some reason.  Probably because he liked her style.  Sans heard (through the grapevine) that he thought about marketing plushies of her.  “Yeah.  You know how it is.”  Like hell he did.  Sans patted Mettaton’s leg.  Mettaton’s lip twitched.

“I’m sure I do, darling.”

Sans heard a nearby flush.  The bathroom door opened and he figured maybe they weren’t out of laxatives after all.  Papyrus hurried downstairs.  “Hello, you two, I’m back!” he announced unnecessarily.  “What were you talking about.”

“Toriel, I think,” said Mettaton.  “Apparently I know how it is.”

His lip curled.  “I— I don’t doubt that!” Papyrus said.  “How is how it is?”

“Oh you know... how it is,” Mettaton drawled.

“Oh, were you asking Mettaton for advice on how to please a woman, or are you past that?” Papyrus asked.

Sans wished he were drinking something so he could do a spittake.  “Ohhhh!” Mettaton exclaimed orgasmically.  “Oh beautiful, you came to the right place!  Not only do I have advice, but with my advice you’ll have Toriel screaming your _name.”_  He bit his lip excitedly.  Sans learned he did that when he was excited.  It was kinda cute.

“Welp do you have, uhh... any experience?”

“Experience?  Oh _baby...”_

“With girls?”

Mettaton’s lip curled further, into a dangerous smirk.  “Wait, so you’re not full-on homo?” Sans asked.  “Not to be rude or anything but you like _chicks?”_

Mettaton’s smirk decreased a few millimeters.  He said importantly, “I used to identify as a lesbian for... a large period of my life.  Not that I was being entirely true to myself, but my cousin can tell you.  I’m attracted to _people,_ not bodies.”

“Don’t lie, you’re attracted to bodies.”

“Yes, you’re right,” Mettaton said immediately.  “Anyway, life’s been lived, lessons have been learned, and now I have all the more lessons to give to the world.  Where to start, beautiful, probably with 2013, in my video _So You Finally Got the Girl._ Papyrus darling, your computer if you please.”

Papyrus obediently handed it over.  Having MTT as a family friend meant that Sans got to see more of him than he’d ever hoped on more screens than he knew existed.  The Mettaton on the computer screen spent the first minute warning the audience that the video was _not_ for children (he had a separate one for his underage audience), and another several minutes congratulating the viewer on snagging the love of their life.

Sans zoned out.  He snapped back to focus when a jolt of electricity shot up his arm.  Mettaton was holding some kind of buzzer.  “Jesus dude, what was that for.”

“Not paying attention.  It’s very rude not to listen to someone who’s talking to you.”

Dude meant business.  He had that fucktastic smirk on his face that Sans was starting to find more annoying than endearing, but Papyrus didn’t seem to notice he’d got shocked and said rapturously, _“I_ was listening!”

Sans was too scared wondering what else Mettaton had in his arsenal to understand what the hell was going on in the video.  It was long, because of course, the video was all-inclusive.  Made sure to remind the audience that trans girls exist, that not all online guides were as inclusive as his, that his channel was a safe space for everyone, and overall the video spent more time reassuring everyone in the audience that they were all equally beautiful than giving advice on how to properly fuck a girl.

“What did you think, Sans.”

He smiled at Sans and reminded him of Frisk when they wanted to show him a drawing.  “You’re so talented,” Sans said.

“Talent is not the question here!” said Papyrus.  “Do you feel you are now properly educated on how to please Toriel in the bedroom?”

“No.”

“Mm.  The bedroom.  I know a few things about the bedroom, darling.  Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Yes.  Literally I just wanna know how to fuck Toriel right.  Or let her fuck me right, whatever she’s into I guess is what I’m into, but she’s into whatever I’m into, which sure as fuck makes things confusing.”

“R-rated talk, I like it.”  Mettaton nodded.  “Papyrus...”  He touched his face.  Said face reddened on contact.  “Talk might get graphic, are you okay with that?”

Were they dating or not?  It was hard to tell, but they certainly were sitting next to each other.  “Thank you for being so very considerate, I think, Undyne’s going to call me so, enjoy yourselves?”

Not that he couldn’t handle it or anything.  Papyrus bunny-hopped his way to his room and Mettaton turned to Sans with the hungriest most wide-eyed of grins.  Sans grinned back.  Reluctantly.  “So glad you came to me for advice, darling, this is _very_ important.”

“Yep.  Fucking Toriel.  Sure is.”

“She _is_ important.  Sans, I find that in bed, it isn’t so much about what you do, but _how_ you do it.  It’s all about how you treat your lady, don’t worry so much about what you’re _doing._  Worry about _who_ you’re doing.”

“But I am worried about who I’m doing, that’s why I wanna know how to do her.”

“Good.  Treat her with love.  Treat her like the most special woman in the world.  Shower her with rose petals, shower her in kisses.”

“Okay but where.”

Mettaton threateningly waved his shock buzzer.  “If you think about the _where,_ you’ll be treating your dear Toriel like a broken computer!  This way of thinking will never please your wife.  Don’t _fuck_ her, _love_ her.”  There he went, biting his lip again.  “Love all over her.  Let your love guide you.”

Sans wondered if Mettaton knew who he was talking to.  “Okay but where do I put the love.”

“Typically, the sensitive areas.  Breasts, thighs, the infamous clitoris.  But darling, forget these words!  They’ll only distract you!  Don’t go for the _clitoris,_ go for the _heart.”_

“Oh my god.”  The image Sans got in his head was probably not the image Mettaton was trying to convey, but knowing MTT he wasn’t entirely sure.

“And a bit of spanking never hurts.”

“That sounds like it’s uh, meant to.”

“It is.”  Mettaton’s pupils seemed to be contracting.  “A bit of pain goes a long way.  Spank her, bite her, pull her hair, best if it ends in _tears.”_

“Is this a personal fantasy of yours.”

“Show her you can love her, but the best love is _rough._ ”

“So basically just beat the everliving shit outa her.”

“Love is pain, darling.”

“You need Jesus, dude.”

“Sans.”  Mettaton’s face suddenly became serious.  “Toriel deserves your best.  I have faith you can give it to her.  She’s a good woman.”

“I know.”

“And since she chose you, you must be important to her.”

“That’s probably true.”

“Not _probably._   _Definitely._  So once you stop this needless worrying and let _love_ take over, you’ll both enjoy yourselves more.”

“Y’know, surprisingly, that’s the best advice anyone’s given me so far.”  Mettaton smiled knowingly.  “Which isn’t saying a whole lot, because it sucked ass.”

“Nothing wrong with sucking ass.  Try it.”

“Thank you, that’s the most practical thing you’ve told me.  Man am I excited for the next time Frisk goes out for a playdate.”

“Blooky and I can take them tomorrow night,” said Mettaton.  “Then you can spend a private night with your wife and see that I’m right.”

“Feels wrong, kicking the kid outa the house so Toriel and I can fuck.  Don’t like, kidnap them or anything.”

“Darling, I would never dream of such a thing!”  MTT wasn’t the most easy to read, but right now, his every pore exuded _liar._

“I’m not kicking out Frisk so Tori and I can play patty-cake, I’ll just... wait.  Thanks, though.  You’re a true bro.”

“Any time,” said Mettaton with his knowing smile.

⚯ ⚯ ⚯

There was one person Sans had yet to ask for advice, and honestly, he was reluctant to go to the one person who undoubtedly knew _exactly_ how to make Toriel happy.  So he typed up a text to Asgore Dreemurr, meaning to delete it, and accidentally hit send.

The text said _*tell me how to fuck ur wife_

Sans hastily texted that he didn’t mean to send that.  Thankfully, Asgore didn’t respond.  Knowing him, Sans hoped he took one look at that text and deleted it.  Blocked Sans’s number forever.

Sans put down his phone, thought about throwing it in a pit of lava, then stuck it in his sock drawer.  When he came out of his room, Frisk stood there with a neutral expression.  “You want something,” Sans asked.

Frisk shrugged.  Asked where Mom was.

“Anything I can get you?”

_‘MK invited me to sleep over.’_

“I say sure, but yeah, ask your mother.  It’s kinda late.”

Frisk asked for his help calling her.  They couldn’t shout.  Sans couldn’t shout either, so they spent several minutes walking around the house and opening doors until Frisk found her in the bathroom with the door unlocked.  Then they chose that moment to ask if they could sleep over at a friend’s house.

“No, it’s too late,” Toriel said huffily.

“But Tori, say Frisk didn’t just catch you taking a dump.  What would you say.”

“Sans.”

Frisk looked up at her with their eyes opened as wide as they could manage.  They signed _‘Please.’_ Then, _‘It’s Friday.’_

It was the signing that broke her.  Her eyes softened and she said yes.  And in an hour, they were alone, free to bang.

Sans wondered what the appropriate way to pun himself into this situation would be, then he threw puns to the winds and asked, “Wanna fuck?”

Toriel blinked.  “Alright.  Why not.”

“Great.”  He nervously wondered if it’d be wrong to just start spanking her; if he should maybe ask her first.  Was he even capable of that?  It didn’t turn him on the way he thought it should.

Toriel undressed.  “Is there something wrong?” she asked as she pulled her shirt off.

“Why’d you ask.”

“Mrs Peixes-Serket asked me—”

“There’s two Mrs. Peixes-Serkets now.”

“Well then, Undyne Peixes-Serket asked me today... ‘Is Sans terrible in bed or something?’”

Sans’s heart sank.  “Fuck, what’d you tell her.”

“That it was none of her business.  Then she told me she only asked because she was worried about you.”

“Course she was.”  Sans sank down onto the bed, dressed only in his underwear.  “What happened to patient confidentiality.”

“Hm?”

Sans smiled at the wall.  “I just, asked her for advice on how to fuck a girl and she started eating a lemon.”

“Oh Sans...”  Toriel sank down next to him and put her hand on his back.  “I think you’re too worried about this.”

“That’s what Mettaton said.”

“Just how many people did you talk to...?”

Sans hid his face in his hands.  “I caved and went to Alphys.  Fucking _Alphys...”_

“Did you tell Undyne you were terrible in bed?”

“Somethin’ like that?  Not really, just asked her for advice.  Friendly advice.”

“And she told you it was sexy to eat lemons...?”

“Well, y’know, lemons.”

Toriel cocked her head to one side.  Sans sighed.  “I just wanna give you what you deserve, that’s it.”

“Well, I think you should know that all the myths and pornos about first time sex are absolutely misleading.”  Toriel stroked Sans’s bare back one more time, then folded her hands in her lap.  “It’s awkward, and you know, for your first time you were pretty good.”

“Heh...”

“I can tell you for certain, I was much more awkward than you my first time.  I had no idea what I was doing.  And of course, my expectations were low, I heard that first time sex with a man was _supposed_ to hurt, so I did not expect it to be anything but painful.”

“Was it?”

Toriel frowned.  Sans could tell that she didn’t like remembering.  But knowing Fluffybuns, Sans could hardly believe he’d be too rough with Tori when he popped her cherry.  He was probably as gentle as he could be, though probably inexperienced himself.  Probably.  Sans knew nothing about Asgore Dreemurr’s sexual history.

“The first time, yes.  But of course, I thought I was just performing my duties as a woman.  It’s this expectation and pressure to succeed that makes sex less enjoyable.  Loosening up is really the best thing you can do for your sex life.  I wish I’d had someone who appreciated making awful sex puns in bed.  Or at least, someone who was _good_ at it.”

Sans patted her arm.  Toriel chuckled.  “Welp, if you got any tips or pointers, go ahead and—”

“Ohh, I sure do hope I have tips and pointers.”

She flicked Sans’s pants.  “What the fuck, Tori.”

Toriel laughed and took his hands.  She pushed him back onto the bed.  “So the most important thing in sex is to have fun and be yourself,” said Sans with a grin.

Toriel kissed him.  “And a condom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see the most important thing is to have fun and be yourself
> 
> Also MTT is a masochist, remember those obscene noises he makes in the game when u hit him? what a dirty robot.


	3. Bonding Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's actually smut in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall know exactly what's gonna happen in this chapter

“Hey, you know what the difference is between me and your ex?”

“What is it now,” Toriel giggled.

“In ten years, Asgore’ll still suck!”

Toriel doubled over howling.  Sans drew back, away from her panties to avoid getting smothered.  “Alright,” she snorted, “that is _really_ the last one.  Now show me how well you can use your mouth and get sucking.”

When Sans couldn’t stop with the puns, Toriel had suggested _“I can think of another use for that clever mouth of yours.”_  Sans had always been a natural with his mouth.  He took the ends of her panties and tugged.  He slid them down her leg, revealing Toriel’s flowering moon inch by inch.

“Heh... looks like _undies_ can’t stay out of the bedroom either.”

“Sans.”

Sans chuckled to himself and stroked Toriel’s pale thigh.  Her hairs were thin and white enough that she never needed to shave, but in between her thighs, she had a healthy bit of fuzz.  He licked the hairiest part of her thigh and took a small bite.

Toriel made a sound that was half like a laugh and a gasp.  Sans grinned up at her.  “You wanna—”

“Shh—”

“Help me get these off?”

“Mm.”  Toriel swung one leg over Sans’s kneeling body.  He lay in front of her, crouched with his ass in the air.  She slid her lacy undies off one leg till it was hanging by her toe.  She delicately waved her foot in front of Sans till he took hold of the underwear by his teeth.  Toriel had wanted him to use his mouth.  He grinned, and tossed her panties aside.  Then, he dived in.

It was easy not to think too much when he was at Toriel’s thighs and only allowed to use his mouth for making her feel good.  He kissed up her legs— from knees to thighs—  And—  X marks the spot.  Sans took a short break to give Toriel a moment of anticipation.  Then, he flicked out his tongue and gave her a taste.

It did not, in fact, taste like a lemon.  Now he knew why Toriel had been eating fruit all day.  Perhaps Undies did have something to her fruit demonstrations.

Toriel’s nether regions tasted like her.  Like her mouth, the sensation was warm and wet.  There was a smell and a taste unlike her mouth— a slightly musky tinge, but this—  This he could do.  Sans realized he was a natural at doing things with his mouth— Making out, telling bad jokes, and flicking his tongue and licking up all the right places and making Toriel convulse and cry out.

Sans grabbed her thighs to steady himself.  Toriel gasped and seized his hair.  She gave a tug.  Sans paused and lifted up his head.  He gave her his most shit-eating of grins.  “You like it?”

“Don’t stop—”

“Heh...”  How could he have ever not known where the clit was?  He knew nothing but the clit that second— the clit was everything.  His tongue swirled around it and licked it up.  Finally, with a shuddering cry, Toriel’s hand curled so tightly on Sans’s hair that he felt a few hairs part with his scalp.

He licked her through the aftershocks and parted his lips from hers when her breathing started to even out.  He drew away and licked his lips loudly.

Toriel’s fingers loosened around his hair.  Sans looked up to see a hand clutching her breast.  He smiled.  “Think I won that pussy-eating contest by a few laps.”

“Oh... you...” Toriel panted.

⚯ ⚯ ⚯

Sans may have been born with glass bones, but his mouth made up for all his weaknesses.  Toriel liked his mouth a lot.  It was what made him so much fun— his big, wide mouth that smiled what Sans called his shit-eating grin but what Toriel thought was the purest of smiles.

He could work magic with his tongue— that was a new discovery.  She’d only felt his tongue in her own mouth before, but down below where the sun did not shine he knew just what to do without being told.

And then, he’d finish off with a pun.  Some off-color comment about drowning pussies.  When Sans made his worst puns, Toriel was learning, it meant he was either very happy or very nervous, punning to melt the ice or ease his nerves or feel more in control of the situation.

When he was using his mouth for something other than rattling off whatever was at the top of his head, he could lose himself, but his mind was still working.  He could never stop focussing.  So he’d focus on his work, on Toriel’s body, on licking and biting and nibbling where all her sweet spots were so she’d make those pretty noises.  It made him proud of himself, that he could do that.

Alphys understood, “Nothing to boost your confidence like having your wife writhing and screaming underneath you!” she’d said happily.  Sans countered that it was nothing like that, and hoped he’d be able to look Undyne in the eye after this.

If Sans was attracted to schedules, Toriel’s schedules were even more restricting than his.  “Tori, you know what a 6.9 is?”

“No, what is a 6.9 dear.”

“A perfect number ruined by a period in the middle of it.”

Toriel patted his head.  “Soon, love.”

She didn’t come through with that promise.  After her hormones dropped, Toriel found she was no longer in the mood.  Maybe they weren’t so different, Sans decided.  As a heterosexual (probably, Toriel never specified) Sans had always imagined her libido working like some sort of beast of prey, always ready to strike.  But not everyone was Alphys, he realized.  Not everyone was Undies, who probably didn’t even fuck because of any sex drive but just because she had boundless energy and was always ready to _go._

How did he know about Undyne’s sexual habits?  Alphys told him everything.  Whether he wanted to hear it.  Whether Undyne wanted him to know.  Which meant he didn’t even hear the _half_ of it— the parts Undyne demanded to be kept secret.

Toriel didn’t know as much about Undyne and Alphys’s sex life, but she _could_ usually tell when they’d woken up from a night of fun, she’d catch them smiling sappily at each other and playing footsie under the table.  She knew those looks.  She knew them well.  She’d smile knowingly at the girls and take pleasure in their reddening faces as she communicated with her eyes, _I know what you two did last night~_

As far as she could tell, Sans never gave any hints.  Only the puns.  The secret language he and Toriel spoke that didn’t communicate to prying eyes as well as stroking each other’s feet and gazing into each other’s eyes.  He’d joke about drowning cats.

He knew _Papyrus_ wouldn’t get it, but Undies and Alphys just figured it was him being stupid.  Even they couldn’t tell when he was obviously joking about wet pussies.

The puns in the bedroom, those were starting to get out of hand.  “Wh-what do they call the thing between the twat and the shitter—”

“Sans, that isn’t even sexy.”

“The _twitter!!”_

“How clever dear, did you come up with that yourself?”  Toriel pulled away and let Sans chuckle nervously to himself.  “Are you alright?”

“Yeah—”

“You seem so tense.”

“Nah, I’m just stiff.”

Toriel stroked his ribs.  Sans wished she’d stroke lower.  “No need to be nervous.”

“I’m not—”

“Sans.”  Sans quieted.  “Just relax.  I’ll take care of you.”

“But... I wanna...”

“You don’t have to be relentless with puns to impress me.”  She kissed his head.  “Just relax.”  She covered his mouth and turned her attention to his stiffness.

Sans groaned into her hand.  “It’s alright,” Toriel whispered, almost teasingly.  She crawled back on top of him.  She lifted her hand from Sans’s mouth.  He opened it, she whispered a quiet, “Shush.”

Sans grabbed her ass.  All he was able to shout were expletives as she rode him hard— and as always he finished first— he just couldn’t help it.  She took a moment to recover her breath, rolling off and lying beside him.  “You’re so cute,” she whispered.  “So good when you do what you’re told...  I would love it if you let me just tie you up and have my way with you.”

“Hhh... kinky.”  Sans smiled.  “Why not.  Just tie me up right now, Tori, I’m all yours.”

“You’re not tired?”

“Exhausted... wouldn’t mind you doing all the work for me.”

“Another time, another time...  If you’re still feeling up to it...”

⚯ ⚯ ⚯

Apparently, she forgot.  “Did I really say that?” Toriel asked, her face turning pink.  “Oh gosh, well, I was feeling a little scrambled...”

“Did you mean it?”

“We’ll have to talk a _lot_ more before getting into anything of that sort.  I want to learn all your boundaries and limits before even thinking about it.”

She said this all very seriously.  It made Sans nervous.  “You seemed to be thinking about it a lot last night.”

“Well, to be honest I think about it often.”  Toriel hummed thoughtfully.  “But we’ll talk, it sounds like a great...”  She paused, smiling.  Sans grinned.   _“Bonding_ experience!”

“Ayyy.”

“But we do lack the necessary equipment to even attempt bondage tonight, and I am not feeling much up to shopping.”

“Can’t you tie me up with, I dunno, like, a scarf or something?  In all of Alphys’s yaoi mangas they used a necktie.”

“I don’t know what a yaoi is but I don’t trust it,” said Toriel.  “You sure _do_ sound eager to be tied up, is this a fantasy of yours?”

She raised her eyebrows.  Sans giggled stupidly.  “I don’t know, it sounds kinda fun.  Everything you’ve hit me with so far’s been great, and hey, being bound and helpless means I don’t have to do a damn thing, am I right?”

“Ooohh, not quite,” Toriel laughed.  “We shall see about that.”

“Aw shit.  What’s the point, then?”

“To help you _relax,”_ Toriel whispered.  “Instead of trying to jump to my level, let me show you a good time.  I won’t make you work too hard at first, just sit back and enjoy yourself~”

Sans chuckled.  “You sure we can’t do it tonight?”

“You _are_ eager!  No no, not till we do some shopping.  And of course, I need to know what your limits are.”

Sans shrugged.  “I dunno, I’m pretty chill.  What about you?  Gimme an example of a, uhh... hard limit.”

“Well, as I’ve said... my limits are going beyond _your_ limits.  That is about my only turnoff, causing you genuine discomfort.”

“M’kay.  Welp, gonna have to think of some limits then.”

“How do you feel about, say, blindfolds?” Toriel asked softly.  “Or any other type of sensory deprivation?”

Sans shook his head.  “I wanna see you.”  He felt his face heat up.  He chuckled to cover it.  “Uhh... I think I’d have to experience something to know I didn’t like it.  ‘Side from that, like I said I’m pretty chill.”

“We’ll have to figure this out in a more organized fashion.  I should pull up a list.”

Toriel spent the next couple nights on various BDSM websites, compiling a list of kinks and fetishes.  Sans looked over her shoulder and laughed out loud.   _“Cake farting?_  The fuck is that?”

Toriel quickly scrolled past it.  “I am actually not entirely sure.”

“Oooo, Tori, fart on a cake for me!  I need it!”

“Sans, I will have no kinkshaming in this house.”

“But Toriiii, I want it so bad!”

“Then fart on a damn cake yourself, how about it.”

“Ooooh _fuck.”_

Sans pretended to make obscene orgasming noises while Toriel copy-pasted certain kinks into her kink list.  “You may never know, Sans.  You may never know.”

“Welp I’m probably not gonna know from seeing it printed on paper, as sexy as paper is.”

Toriel swung her legs off the bed and stretched.  Sans heard a couple joints pop.  “I will have to go take that from the printer before Frisk gets to it first.  Frisk _is_ in bed, right?”

“Frisk is never in bed.”

“Oh well, then...”  Toriel padded heavily out of the room and Sans waited on the bed for her return.  He perused her laptop.  She had a million tabs open, mostly to BDSM websites.  Sans found a quiz.  Dom or sub, rope bunny or rigger, apparently this quiz was supposed to help him figure out what he was into in bed.  Sans settled the laptop comfortably on his lap to answer the questions.

Toriel appeared back in the doorway a minute later.  “What are you doing?” she asked.  She approached the bed.  “Oh ex out of that, those quizzes are _obscene._  Only psychopaths and criminals would answer yes to some of those questions.   _I belong to my Master, I exist to serve Him,_ it’s awful.  Did you get up to—”

“Whether I think there’s a natural order of men being in charge and women being submissive?  Yep.”

“It’s awful!  What you do in bed should never determine your worth as a person or what other people are worth to you—”

“What happened to no kinkshaming under this roof.”

“Do you believe that bullcrap?  That some people should be allowed to see women as submissive?”

“Knowing all the women and men in my life, think it should be the other way around,” Sans chuckled.

“No it should not!  And if you feel that way there is no way I am getting into any of this with you.  We are equals— if someone has their partner tied to their bed covered in their own cum while they are pounding their asshole they are still equal to each other!”

“I was kidding, Tori.  Sure is cute how passionate you are about equality and asshole pounding.”

Toriel nodded importantly.  She moved the laptop aside and showed Sans the list.  “I don’t know how realistic most of these are, especially because you are new, but you really never know...”

Sans’s eyes scanned past _electrostimming._  “Shocking,” he said.  “Heh, pretty sure MTT is into that.”

“Erm.”

“Watersports?  That’s oddly specific.  Most niche kink I’ve ever heard of.  Some people nut in the pool while playing Marco Polo or some shit?”

“It’s piss, Sans.”

“Oh.  Yeah, I knew that.  Hentai.”

This entire list was just pun fodder, but after a while Sans tired of trying to imagine himself and Toriel performing every one of them.  “Can’t we just make this easier on both of us and just, you tie my hands or something and we forget about all this.  No special surprises till we get past level one.”

“Not everyone would consider bondage level one,” Toriel said fairly, “but fair enough.  We should decide on a safeword.”

“Jerry,” said Sans.

“Whom?”

“That asshole everyone loves to ditch.  You never met him but if you did you’d probably ditch him too.  Nah, nah you’re too good for that.  But the safeword’s supposed to be a mood-killer, right?  Can’t think of a better mood-killer than Jerry.”

“If you say so.  Jerry it is, then!”

“What’s the point of safewords anyway?” Sans asked.  “Can’t you just say somethin’ like, ‘let’s stop now’?  Not that secret codes aren’t fun—”

“That is a complete sentence.  If your mind is gone, it can be hard to form words and it’s hard to tell if one is stammering from overwhelming ecstasy or discomfort.  And it’s always convenient to have something easy to blurt out when you are feeling panicked.”

“How’m I gonna remember a secret code if I can’t remember how to form sentences?”

“That is why we start slow.  Besides, will you really forget Jerry?”

“Never thought I’d be shouting Jerry’s name in bed, not sure if he’d be ecstatic about this or upset.”

“Well, I do hope you don’t have to.  Don’t worry, if you find yourself unable to remember what the safeword is, you can use your... alternate means, I will figure it out.”

“Okay.”

“You’re so very complacent about this, do you have any concerns?”

“Nah,” said Sans.  “I’ll be with you, I’m not worried.”

Toriel kissed him suddenly.  She pulled away and stroked his face.  “I can’t wait to... show you the ropes.”

Sans giggled.  Toriel laughed.  They heard creaking floorboards outside their bedroom and abruptly quieted.

⚯ ⚯ ⚯

“So, do I just—”

“Shh, just hold still.”

Sans willed himself to stop squirming.  He couldn’t see what was going on back there.  But he could feel Toriel working at his wrists, and the rope winding around them.  He had been, as he’d said, pretty chill before this.  Since Toriel suggested this idea, since she brought out the gifts she’d bought him, up until she actually got behind him with the rope.  Then he felt the twisting in his chest and stomach like he was climbing a rollercoaster, held down by a safety bar now that he’d neglected to opt out of the ride.  But unlike a shitty amusement park, he could change his mind any time.  He could get off whenever he wanted.  He kept that in mind as he swiveled his head to look at the sharp new pair of scissors next to the bed.  Tori bought them in the same shop she got the rope.  They were a specialty item.

“Can you get it?” Sans asked as though there was anything he could do in this situation.

“I’m doing just fine, love.   _There_ we go.  That should be nice and tight.”

Sans experimentally wriggled his wrists.  He felt the rope rub and dig into his skin when he tugged against it too hard.  “Uhh...”

“Is it too tight?”

“Nope.”  The blood flowed nicely from his arms to his hands, though the rope did a good job of restraining them.

“Good.  Now turn around.”

“You’re... not done?”

“Not done, no, I think white shows up nicely against your skin.  I’d like to pretty you up a bit before we begin.”

“Heheh...”

Toriel smiled.  She wound another length of rope around him, tying his arms to his torso, making crisscrossing patterns.  This was weirdly arousing.  Sans tried to occupy himself in his head, watching Toriel’s breasts swinging in front of his face as she reached above him, listening to her quiet humming, to distract himself from the rising tension in the one place Toriel was ignoring.

“I thought about going with blue, but it was much harder to find.  I like the white, though, it’s simple.”

“I think pink would look best on you,” Sans said, getting a sudden vivid mental image of Toriel wrapped up for him like a present.

“Heehee... another time, dear... another time...”

Sans tried to crane his neck to look over his shoulder again, but it was getting harder and harder to maneuver his torso.  The ropes held tight, pulling his shoulders back, holding him upright.  But nothing was more frustrating than the way Toriel was _looking_ at him, quietly fussing over him with a weird sort of seriousness.  It was all part of her charm, the way she could be both fun and serious.  Sans didn’t know how to act like a proper work of art, so he kept still and forgot every single pun that ever existed.

“Looks like you’re in quite a bind~” Toriel crooned.

“Hey, it’s perfectly okay for _you_ to tell puns?”

“Yes, of course.  It is simply the natural order of the world, is it not?  How do you feel.”

“If it’s a pun battle you’re askin’ for you’re gonna have to bring out the duct tape.”

“Then you will be in quite the—”

 _“Sticky situation.”_  Sans waggled his eyebrows.

Toriel snorted.  “You took that one from me.”

“You took it from me first.”

“Hush now, are you really asking me to bring out duct tape?  You’re kinkier than I thought.”

Sans giggled.  Toriel tied the last knot and sat back to survey her work.  Sans gave another tug.  The ropes held fast.  Butterflies fluttered in his stomach again, like he was reaching the top of the rollercoaster.  “This is... kinda weird...”

“I want to hear you.”  Toriel stroked his face.  She ran her hands up and down the diamond patterns of rope she made across his chest.  “If running your beautiful mouth makes you feel safer, I want you to feel as safe as a newborn in the loving arms of their birthgiver.  If for any reason you start to feel uneasy, or if you panic, just say the word.  You remember who our cockblock is, do you not?”

“Jerry,” Sans said.  He nodded.  “I uhh, wasn’t safewording, just letting you know I remember.”

He was sweating.  He was desperate for friction— the tent in his boxers was the only thing making this uncomfortable.  “Yes, I know.”  Toriel kissed the corner of his mouth.  “If you’re feeling well at the end of this, I’d rather untie the rope instead of cutting it, is that alright with you?”

“Yeah, ‘course...”  Better to save it for next time.  Because shit, Sans was thinking, there was gonna be a next time.

“Mm.  Comfortable?”

Sans nodded, his throat dry.  “Glad we got to tie the knot.”

“If you want a reward, you’ll have to hand over the punning rights to me tonight.”

“Or else what, you gonna _pun_ ish me?”

Toriel snorted at that.   _“Last_ one,” she said sternly.  “You really are in a bind now, aren’t you, sweet?  Let me help you...”

Sans watched as she slid his boxers down his legs, revealing his magical schedule-attracted compass pointing straight up in the air.  “Ohhh, you like this.”  Sans’s face betrayed a reluctant smile as Toriel nipped lightly at his collarbone.   _“I_ like this, you look so good like this...”

It felt good— it felt so good to sit still, letting Toriel touch him, feeling his skin along the ridges of the ropes— and not being able to do a damn thing.  Not having to worry.  Letting her take care of him, just as she promised.  She reached over to retrieve something from the table and slid a condom onto Sans’s lather blaster.

“Mmm, who would have known you’d enjoy this so much, if I’d have known I would have tied you up a long time ago.”

She reached over to the table, her hand briefly brushing the scissors as she grabbed the bottle of lube next to them.  “Nothing to say, love?”

“Well, I’m a little tied up right now—”

“You _will_ pay for that one,” said Toriel, squeezing the bottle onto her hand, getting her fingers slick with gel.  She leaned over— Sans expected to enter her any second, but with one arm, she turned him over.  With one smooth and one sticky hand, she pushed him onto his stomach.  Then, all of a sudden, he felt a finger slide in.

His breath came out as a hiss.  He wasn’t sure he’d ever had a dick in his ass before but he was sure it must have felt like this— Toriel’s fingers were as big as sausages and he could do nothing but cry out as just one slipped in and out.

Toriel withdrew to slick up her hands with more lube, and inserted another finger.  It was almost too much.  Her fingers stretched him, widening her opening, Sans wriggled and squirmed against the ropes digging into his skin.

“Hhh—”

“You’re so tight.”  She pulled out, leaving Sans to pant and twist his neck to look up at her.

“Tori...” Sans whispered.

“Hm?”

“Nnh... I haven’t punned in like five minutes, c’mon...”

“Can you ask me nicely?” Toriel whispered, running her clean hand up and down his back.

“Uhh... please...?”

Toriel inserted one slick finger.  “Tori...” Sans groaned.  She sped up her motion, inserting a second finger, she had a feeling if she shifted her hand and angled her fingers like _that,_ she could—

“Tori...!”  Her name came out like a whine.  Toriel chuckled.  She thrust one more time against Sans’s tiny pepperhole then allowed him to catch his breath.  “Nnh...”

“Yes?”

“Uhn...”  Sans grit his teeth.  “Fuck, I’ll call you mistress if you want just— please fuck me—”

Toriel tugged at his hair.  Sans found himself looking into her eyes— upside down from his angle.  “I do not want to hear you calling me anything but my name,” Toriel said softly.  She released his hair.

Without realizing what he was doing, Sans found himself rocking against the bed to alleviate _some_ of the tension in his groin.  Toriel noticed and flipped him onto his back.  “Tori... Toriel,” Sans moaned.  “Do... _something...”_

“Mm?”

“Please?”

“Since you asked so nicely...”  Toriel kissed his temple.  She propped him up against the headboard.  “You look so cute right now, it makes it so hard to say no.”  

Sans’s chest tightened.  He tried to breathe steadily, the way his breath came out in short grunts made him a little embarrassed, and he grit his teeth and tried to remember—  He was the funny guy who never took anything seriously, he could make a joke out of anything, he could laugh at himself, even now when he was coming undone—

Toriel dug her fingers into Sans’s shoulder to brace herself as she wrapped a hand around his length.  “Toriel—” Sans called again and she tightened a slick grip around his cock, moving it up and down, smiling softly at Sans, completely in control while she watched saliva leak out of the corner of Sans’s mouth.

She rocked onto her knees, crawling on top of him, sliding down while Sans hissed at her contact.  She slid herself easily onto Sans’s boomstick.  “I do like you like this, it’s a nice look for you.”

She chuckled while Sans thrust desperately into her.  “Tori please—”

“Yes?”

“Agh—  I—  Shit—”

“Alright, alright... shhh...”  She leaned to press her mouth against his ear.  “Since you’ve been so good, I’m going to fuck you well.”

Toriel rocked back and forth, surpassing his speed as Sans moved desperately to match her.  His efforts were futile with the knots tying him nearly immobile.  He grunted as Toriel thrust onto him— her breath hitched at the sound.  Toriel took hold of his thighs and thrust harder.  Sans was nearly yelling.  Calling her name, alternating between “Tori” and “Toriel” like he couldn’t tell the difference anymore.

“Tori—” he shouted.  “Tori— Toriel, I’m— I’m at the end of my rope...!”

Toriel chuckled.  She’d allow this.  “Good.   _Cum_ on, then~”

Sans obeyed without knowing how.  He shouted out something that was probably her name and felt utterly helpless as he wished he could grab onto her breasts or her ass or _something_ as he shuddered and tugged at the taut ropes keeping him unable to touch her as her grip around his thighs tightened to a pinch.

Toriel’s breath came in sharp gasps.  Finally, her movement slowed, after Sans was riding out the aftershocks.  She took a moment to take in her husband’s flushed and sweating face.  His chest rose and fell fast, stretching against the ropes, then sinking back as he recovered.  Toriel rolled off him, lying on her side, smiling at his face and reaching out a hand to cup it.

“Toriel...”  Sans squirmed to show her his predicament.

Toriel snapped out of her trance.  “Yes, I’ll have you out in a moment.”  She crawled over him until she was sitting behind him, then busied herself at his wrists.  “Do not worry love, it will not take nearly as long to get you out as it did to get you in.”

“What about...” Sans panted, “s’long as it took... to get me _off.”_

“Hee...”

“Heh... heheh...”

Toriel worked quickly to undo the knot.  In a few seconds, the rope fell away.  Toriel helped him loosen the ropes around his torso until he was able to wriggle out of them.  Immediately, he reached out for her.  Toriel took his hands and rubbed his wrists.  “There,” she whispered.  She took him into her arms and held him tight.  “There...”  She pressed a kiss to his head.  “That was amazing, you were very good.”

“I... didn’t do anything.”

“You did hold back on the puns toward the end.”  Sans laughed and tried to pretend that wasn’t because his mind was wiped blank.  “Though next time, I will be much stricter with you.”

“Heh...”  Sans sighed.  He wriggled his fingers, found he could move them.  He gripped Toriel’s back hard.  “That... that was fun.”

“Cleanup will be less so.”

“Oh fuck...”

“Shush, worry not, I can change the sheets.”

“I wanna help.”

“Okay, then.”  Toriel held him for a couple minutes, rubbing his back and feeling slight ridges where the ropes cut into it.  “Do you need anything, dear?”

Sans shook his head.  Toriel hummed and stroked his head.  They were both sticky and covered in all sorts of messy fluids, but cleanup could wait.  Just a few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that I'm a virgin and my only frame of reference is smut fics and my own libido to guide me. If you enjoy this, thank you? To be fair I guess the majority of smut is written by virgins.
> 
> Soon to come is heavier bondage, Toriel in a strap-on, lingerie, more kinky shit if I get around to it. If you like this and want to help me get around to writing it, make suggestions! Tell me about fun things you'd like these two to do when they do the do.

**Author's Note:**

> There's fun stuff to come including bondage, light BDSM, Tori being a nurturing loving dom, and Sans actually getting PUNished.  
> idk what im doing rn, honestly this fic's just a big fat joke bc what the fuck is fuck.  
> if u wanna help me write smut hmu on zeezeepearl.tumblr.com


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